Many years later . . .
“Are you sure you won’t stay?” Esme asked as she embraced Bella tightly.
“Yes, I’m sure. It frustrates Alice to have me here. I know she’d never say anything, but . . .”
Esme nodded. Bella didn’t need to elaborate; everyone had noticed the change in Alice since Bella had returned with Edward. Because her gift of foresight didn’t factor in the newest vampire, Alice was constantly having false visions of the future. It was almost as if she were living two separate realities, constantly stressing over things that never came to pass or being surprised by events she wasn’t prepared to deal with. Her once chipper mood faded as she became depressed and paranoid. Edward was all too familiar with her downhill spiral and worried that she was about to snap. He didn’t argue when Bella had told him of her intentions to leave.
Epic author’s note:
Wow, what a wild ride this has been. When I first got the idea for Here in the Garden of Sin, I was halfway through writing Running for Home. The shell of the story was basically what would happen if Edward lost control when he first saw Bella and changed her against her will. Everything from the moment she woke up as a vampire to the end of chapter 17 played out in my head at the time. The more I thought about it, the more the beginning of the story and details surrounding their time together fell into place.
At the time, I didn’t think I’d be able to pull off writing an AU story, let alone one where Edward had a rather dark side. When I actually started writing, I assumed I’d either never post it or it would be months before I’d have the balls to start. I didn’t want to publicly post something that I wouldn’t be able to finish. As it turned out, I pretty much had the first five chapters written and the rest of the story outlined within a couple of weeks. Surprisingly I didn’t hit many speed bumps along the way, and the parts that I was most apprehensive about writing—Edward being an ass, Bella’s change and first moments as a vampire, thinking like a vamp in general—were some of the most exciting scenes to put into words.
Writing in third person was another challenge I hadn’t looked forward to. As a reader I prefer to read from first person, and I’ve heard plenty of complaints about third. With the nature of this story, I had to be able to cover multiple POVs. I wouldn’t have been able to show Edward’s desperation and mind reading or Bella’s fear and determination had I picked one POV to write in, and having just finished Running for Home, I needed a break from alternating. I found that writing in third wasn’t as hard as I expected. There were quite a few people who said how great it worked for the story as well, so that was nice.
I know the ending won’t please everyone, but I’ve stayed true to the story I originally set out to tell, and for that I’m proud. There are people who want this to turn into a sappy love story and there are those who don’t want Edward to lose his dark ways. I’ve shied away from labeling him as a Darkward because I never considered him to be one. He is a vampire with vampire tendencies who is a product of the situation he’s in. He’s not a big, bad vamp with no redeeming qualities; however, he’s not a diamond in the rough who will become a perfect gentleman either. At the very heart of his character he is selfish, and that won’t change.
Bella has a strong character, but experiencing life in a different light changes her outlook drastically. As one of my reviewers said, “There is such a thing as acceptance without giving up.” I hope the ending leaves you with a happy balance of who the characters are and what their future will hold. I know many people will say the ending is abrupt, that there is still so much to cover, but such is the nature of story telling. HitGoS is about the desperate vampire who would stop at nothing to have what needed (wanted?) and the human who found herself in a most unfortunate situation but remained strong until the bitter end and beyond.
And as the saying goes—all good things must come to an end.
Thank you to OnDamon (you brave, brave girl, you!) for prereading this circus act. Thanks to elusive for starting a Twilighted thread. To everyone who read, reviewed, left blog comments, visited the thread, nominated, retweeted, and pimped on twitter, ADF, etc.—thank you so, so much! I hope you enjoyed the ride.
p.s. A PDF version of HitGoS is available (as well as all of my completed stories) on the Download page.
If you’re curious about the title, it comes from the song “End of the World” by Blackfield. Many of the lyrics can be applied, but the ones that stood out to me the most are below. A playlist can be found on the story page.
It’s the end of the world
The end of the world
It’s a prison for dreams and for hopes
And still we believe there is God
It’s the end of the world
The end of the world
We’re dead but pretend we’re alive
Full of ignorance, fools in disguise
If you wake up in hell or in heaven
Tell the angels we’re here
Waiting below for a dream
Here in the garden of sin